Hong Hee-Joo: The Brand New Language in Kdrama!

Hong Hee-Joo didn’t just break the internet—she broke free from toxic manipulation, and we’re here for it!

Hong Hee-Joo may have started as the quiet, unassuming lead of When the Phone Rings, but by the end, she had us all cheering for her bold transformation. Her journey was more than just a subplot to the drama—it was a poignant reminder of the power of reclaiming one’s identity, breaking free from manipulation, and finding strength in vulnerability.

Hong Hee-Joo is THE Brand New Language!

I dare say that Hong Hee-Joo’s story is one of my all-time favorite portrayals of a K-drama female lead. It resonates deeply with the challenges faced by many women, both literally and figuratively. Her selective mutism can be seen as a direct representation of the struggle to voice one’s thoughts, while also symbolizing the widespread lack of courage some women feel to stand up for themselves. It reflects the all-too-common “good-girl syndrome,” where societal expectations erode mental health and strip away autonomy.

While When The Phone Rings captivated viewers with its twists and turns, Hee-Joo’s character stood out for its emotional depth and relatability. Her story tackled societal expectations, toxic relationships, and the complexities of healing after trauma. Whether it was the courage to confront her past, the resilience to overcome her fears and setting boundaries, or the growth that came from her evolving relationships, Hee-Joo’s journey was as inspiring as it was empowering.

Hong Hee-Joo Story Lessons and Inspirational Values

Beyond the captivating narrative, her character offers us valuable psychological and life lessons about self-awareness, autonomy, and emotional well-being. Let’s dive into these lessons from Hong Hee-Joo’s journey, supported by scientific insights, to reflect on how her story can inspire our own paths toward growth and self-empowerment.

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1. The Danger of Suppressing Emotions and Identity and Breaking Free From Manipulation: Do it the Hee-Joo way!

• The Story Connection: Hong Hee-Joo’s journey is a poignant exploration of the psychological toll of living a lie and the power of reclaiming autonomy. Her mother’s manipulation forced Hee-Joo into pretending to have selective mutism to maintain a false narrative that protected her mother’s marriage. This suppression of her emotions and true identity led to emotional burnout, stripping her of her aspirations and dreams. Yet, Hee-Joo’s story didn’t end in silence. Her growth reflects a turning point—the realization of the gaslighting she endured, particularly from her mother. This awakening allowed her to reclaim control of her life and confront the injustices she faced. For instance, in a striking moment after her stepsister In-A’s surgery, Hee-Joo refused to speak on command, asserting, “I’ll speak when I decide, not when others tell me to.” That scene? It moved something deep within me. Did it resonate with you too? This act of defiance, though small, was monumental in reclaiming her voice. By standing up to her mother and step-sister, and pushing back against controlling relationships, Hee-Joo showed immense courage in breaking free from manipulation.

Scientific Insight:

2. The Power of Hong He-Joo ‘s Courage in Reclaiming Autonomy

• The Story Connection: Another standout moment in Hee-Joo’s story is how she faced the kidnapper in the car, risking everything by sliding on a slippery road and causing the accident that ultimately gave her the kidnapper’s phone to blackmail Sa-Eon. Her courage in that situation is unmatched! And let’s not forget her audacious decision to pretend to be the kidnapper herself to break free from her marriage. That bold move showed us she’d had enough—she was taking matters into her own hands. If that isn’t courage, I don’t know what is! Hong Hee-Joo’s ability to reclaim her autonomy reflected a growing self-efficacy—the belief that she could shape her future despite past struggles.

Scientific Insight:

1. Psychologists emphasize self-efficacy as a cornerstone of mental resilience. Dr. Albert Bandura’s theories highlight that believing in one’s abilities empowers individuals to achieve their goals and escape harmful environments. You can get his enriching book: Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control on Amazon.
2. The study by Sullivan et al. 2013 explores how self-efficacy in relationships can reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress, depression, and anxiety.

3. Healing Through Healthy Relationships and Mutual Support

• The Story Connection: This is among my top 3 favorite things about Sa-Joo couple: They Healed Together. Hee-Joo’s evolving relationship with Paek Sa-Eon is a proof of the healing power of mutual understanding and empathy. Despite their initial distance and misunderstandings, they found ways to communicate and show care for one another. This is such a precious part of their story that exhibits perfectly the importance of vulnerability and connection in overcoming trauma and rebuilding trust. Hong Hee-Joo and Paek Sa-Eon’s efforts in developing a healthy relationship was essential for them as trauma survivors to learn trust, self-compassion, and new ways of relating to others and forgiving them (Hee-Joo forgave In-a and Paek Sa-Eon forgave Park Do-Jae).

Scientific Insight

1. Dr. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability demonstrates that authentic connections promote healing and growth. The Power of Vulnerability outlines how embracing imperfections and building trust can strengthen relationships and promote emotional resilience.
2. The article by Dr.Parker Healing and Opening Up About Trauma in a Relationship explains how researchers found that sharing a past trauma with a supportive partner is linked to a sense of healing from that trauma. An additional scientific reference is here.
3. Listening to what the Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk has to say about the real notion of trauma is incredibly helpful as it explains it fully beyond the social-media misconceptions.

4. Hee-Joo Chose Forgiveness To Heal

• The Story Connection: Hong Hee-Joo’s ability to let go of resentment and inner blame helped her find peace and move forward. As we see in the finale (ep 12), she tells her step sister In-A that she forgot the past and that she forgave it because she believes she deserves happiness and encouraged In-a to do the same. She silently did the same with her mother when holding her hand under the table in the ep.12. Her journey highlights the transformative power of forgiveness, not as an excuse for wrongdoing but as a path to liberation from emotional burdens.

Scientific Insight

1. Neuroscientific research, such as Dr. Fred Luskin’s Forgive for Good, shows that forgiveness reduces stress and improves overall mental health, offering a pathway to inner peace and well-being.
2. The article “The power of forgiveness” from Harvard Health explores the mental health benefits of forgiveness.

5. BELIEVING THAT WE ALL DESERVE LOVE THE WAY WE ARE!

• The Story Connection: Hong Hee-Joo’s people-pleasing tendencies, especially toward her mother, were rooted in her inner child’s yearning for love and acceptance. As a child, she tried to “earn” her mother’s love by obeying her, even when it caused harm. From pretending to have selective mutism at her mother’s request, feeling invisible at the accident site, to living in her stepsister In-A’s shadow to avoid conflict, Hee-Joo internalized the belief that she wasn’t deserving of love just as she was. She came to think that happiness wasn’t meant for her and that love always had to be earned through sacrifice. Over time, this belief deepened, leading her to adopt the selective mutism not just as an obligation, but as an escape—a way to retreat from a world where she felt unworthy. Being The Husband Of The Year, it took Sa-Eon’s patience and encouragement, his gentle insistence that she speak to him, for her to begin breaking free. The turning point came when she confronted her deepest wounds: her sense of invisibility, her inability to say “no” to harm—even to her mother—and her unworthiness, starkly felt as she faced death after being pushed from the cliff. In that moment, Hong Hee-Joo found her voice. Her BRAND NEW LANGUAGE. Through the growth of her marriage with Sa-Eon, Hee-Joo learned what healthy love truly looks like. She realized her worthiness and that she deserved happiness, finally freeing herself from the chains of her past. Her journey is a powerful reminder that healing begins when we find the courage to face ourselves, speak up, set boundaries, and embrace our innate worth.

Scientific Insight

1. People-pleasing is often linked to unresolved inner-child wounds. Studies suggest that individuals with a history of childhood emotional neglect or trauma may develop this behavior as a coping mechanism to gain approval and avoid conflict.
2. Germer, C. K., & Neff, K. D. (2013). The mindful self-compassion workbook. (A practical workbook serving as a tool to help one’s self-compassion and heal emotional wounds.)
3. Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. (Tackles the impact of shame and self-worth on behavior.)
4. Porges, S. W. (2012).The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. (One of my favorites! Explores how early-life experiences shape our stress and attachment systems.)

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What to Filter Out from Hong Hee-Joo ’s Story:

• Living to please family members/others in an attempt to win their love.
• Inner belief that one doesn’t deserve love.
• Sacrificing self-worth for toxic relationships.

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Practical Takeaways for Readers:

1. Embracing authenticity and rejecting societal molds is essential for emotional well-being.
2. Cultivate self-awareness to recognize manipulation and protect your boundaries.
3. Trust and communication are essential for repairing relationships and fostering mutual growth.
4. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves to heal and grow beyond pain.
5. Build courage to stand up for yourself and reclaim autonomy in toxic situations.
6. Foster vulnerability in your relationships to grow together with others.
7. Embrace your authentic self, even when societal or familial expectations challenge it.
8. Overcome People-Pleasing and Inner-Child Healing: Remember, you deserve LOVE for just who you are. Give yourself love and grace. You are worthy of the best!

That being said, we should strive to be kind and compassionate to ourselves, our loved ones, family members, and others. However, when the balance is disrupted, things can go off track. Please do not confuse self-love and compassion with selfishness or laziness, nor kindness to others with toxic selflessness. Balance is the key!

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